Layer By Layer
by Dmarx
Summary: Maybe Meredith was right; Castle did have a tendency to change the subject, to deflect away from the deeper and more personal issues. Or maybe it was simply that Kate had never asked the right questions. Post-ep for 5x10.


_Summary: Maybe Meredith was right; Castle did have a tendency to change the subject, to deflect away from the deeper and more personal issues. Or maybe it was simply that Kate had never asked the right questions. Post-ep for 5x10._

_Author's Note: I was going to do one of these last week except I really just didn't know where to start, but I received a prompt from JustAWriterWannaBe and, well, this happened. This one goes out to you, sir! Thank you._

_Thanks to Andy for the beta and for putting up with my picky-ness and sending me a gazillion title suggestions._

_Disclaimer: I'm a poor grad student. So, umm, no, I don't own Castle._

* * *

**Layer By Layer**

"Kate."

She did not lift her head, continued to absently push the piece of smorelet around her plate. "Hmmm?"

"Kate." This time a hand came to rest on her upper arm and his voice was closer, much closer, breath wafting softly across the skin of her neck as he stepped up behind her.

She stiffened almost imperceptibly but by the way Castle faltered, she knew that he felt it.

"Everything okay?"

She nodded half-heartedly.

"Is it the smorelet?" he asked, stepping back, acknowledging her silent plea for space. He crossed back to the stove, words pouring out of his mouth as he opened the carton of eggs, extracted two. "I know it sounds gross but I promise, you'll acquire a taste for it." When she did not answer, he continued. "Or I can make you a regular omelet. It won't hurt my feelings if you don't like it, I promise. I'll just eat it myself becau..."

"Castle."

"I don't mind. Or if you're not hungry...I can just make you a coffee..."

"Castle," she interrupted again, more emphatic this time.

He whirled around, startled. "Huh?"

"It's not the smorelet," she answered flatly.

"Then what is it?" he asked softly.

She shook her head, set her fork down and pushed the plate back. "I'm just..." she stood, turned for the door. "I should head home. I've got some errands to run today and some laundry and..."

"Kate."

Castle caught up to her in the entry way, one hand curling around her bicep, gently guiding her to turn and face him. She allowed him to spin her around but refused to meet his eyes.

"Look, if this is about Meredith..."

"It's not," she answered abruptly, not a complete lie. Sure, Meredith had said the words, but it had more to do with Castle than with his ex-wife at this point.

"Because I know I screwed up and I'm really sorry and we agreed that she won't stay here ever again and I just...I thought things were going so well, Kate," he trailed off, sadness creeping into his voice. "And now it feels like...

"Like what?" she cut in, head snapping up at those words.

Castle sighed heavily before finishing. "Like you're pulling away."

Kate shrugged though even she knew he could see right through her. "I just haven't been home in a while," she answered off-handedly. "Just need some space I guess."

"What happened to me coming over if things here got to be too much?" Castle asked, barely suppressing a pout.

"Meredith is gone now," she pointed out. "So you should be safe here. Take care of Alexis, Castle. Spend some time with your daughter. I'll see you at the precinct tomorrow."

"I..." he hesitated, mouth hanging open as he fought through the disappointment in an attempt to find the words, _any words_, that would coax her into opening up. Or at least into not running. But by the time his brain caught up with his mouth, she was closing the door of the loft behind her, a sad smile the last thing he saw as she disappeared.

The click of the lock echoed through the silence with an uncomfortable sense of finality and Castle could do nothing but sink down onto the arm of the sofa with his head in his hands.

What could possibly have gone so wrong?

* * *

"I don't know what to do," Kate said abruptly as she slid into the booth across from her friend, coffee cup clutched protectively to her chest with her left hand, brown paper bag in her right.

"About what? Meredith?" Lanie asked. "I thought you said she was gone."

Kate set down her cup, pulled a muffin out of the bag. "She is."

"Then what's the problem?"

Kate sighed. "She said something to me before she left and I...I just...I don't know what to make of it, Lanie."

"You do realize the woman is an actress, right?"

"Yes, but..."

"And she very well might have made the whole thing up just to mess with you."

"She...I...maybe," Kate conceded. "But it's weird, Lanie. Castle made her out as this shallow, air-headed person and she is to an extent but she...she seemed genuine at times too."

"And that was one of those times?"

She shrugged. "I guess. I don't know."

"Okay, so here's my question," Lanie continued. "Not that I'm not enjoying our little coffee date but why are you asking me these questions instead of your boy?"

"Because I...don't know what to say," she offered.

"Don't know...or don't want to know?"

Kate sighed, picked at her muffin. "Both."

Lanie took a bite of her own muffin, followed it with a sip of chai latte. "So what did she say?"

There was a pause. "I ummm...asked why she and Castle didn't work out."

Lanie nearly spit out her tea. "You asked _Meredith_?"

"Yeah," Kate replied, affronted. "Why?"

"Girl, what were you thinking?"

"That her perspective might be...good to hear?" Kate stated, doubting her own reasoning in retrospect.

"What did she say?"

Kate sighed, eyes fixed on her muffin as she tore a piece off, popped it into her mouth, stalling as she chewed slowly. "That it was great at first but then she realized that he knew her well enough to write a bunch of books and she hardly knew him at all."

Lanie snorted.

"What?"

"That's a load of crap, girl. I'm guessing Meredith never bothered to ask. She doesn't strike me as the type to actually hold interest long enough to ask the right questions."

Kate shrugged. "I guess."

"I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that you haven't said anything to Castle?"

Kate shook her head.

"Why not?"

"Because I...I'm not sure I want to know. I mean...what if it's true? What if she wasn't lying? What if _I_ really don't know him either?"

"So maybe it is true," Lanie agreed. "But you'll never know if you don't ask. And you'll never know _why_ it was true, either, if you don't give him a chance to explain his side of the story."

"What if it ruins it?" Kate asked waveringly, voice shaky and nervous.

"Ruins what?"

"Us," Kate replied with a wide, sweeping gesture, nearly knocking over her coffee.

"How do you mean?"

"What if I find out something that just...changes things?"

Lanie shrugged. "Then wouldn't you rather know now than later?"

"But what if..."

"Kate, stop," her friend interrupted bluntly. "Stop overthinking this. You both have a past. You both have made mistakes and done things you'd rather not discuss. But the reality is that you're in a relationship and you can't ignore the reality of his past forever. You guys have to talk about this stuff and it may be hard and parts of it may suck but if you really love each other, you'll find a way to work through it."

"What if we can't?"

"Then you can say you gave it an honest try and you loved him and he loved you but it just didn't work out."

Kate blanched, stomach rolling nervously at the mere thought of it not working out because she was already so far in this with him that she had no idea how she would ever survive _not_ making it to forever even if the mere concept of forever still terrified her at times.

"Do you trust him?" Lanie asked bluntly.

Kate nodded.

"Do you trust that he's changed from how he was in the past? How he was when you met him?"

Again she nodded.

"Do you trust that no matter what he might have done, he's not going to do that to you."

Meredith's parting words flashed through Kate's mind and she could not help but consider the fact that Castle was still guilty of evasion, of changing the subject rather than delving into his past. She had not noticed before but since this morning, her mind had been supplying numerous examples of Castle laughing off various questions and situations.

But even so...

"I...yes, for the most part," Kate answered though her voice lacked conviction.

"Then talk to him," Lanie commanded. "Hear his side of the story, give him a chance to erase that last little bit of doubt. Because I'm _positive_ that what she told you is embellished in some way."

Kate shook her head. "You make it sound so easy."

"It can be," Lanie replied with a shrug. "Everyone else can see what you guys have. Everyone else around you knows that you guys have the real thing. Including Castle."

"I..."

"You stood by him when Tyson framed him, right? There was video footage and fingerprints and emails, Kate, convincing evidence, and yet you still stood by him and refused to accept that it was true. So why now? What makes the word of his flighty actress of an ex-wife more convincing than real evidence?"

Kate opened her mouth to respond, closed it when she realized she had nothing to combat Lanie's words. Nothing.

"Have faith, Kate."

But that was precisely the problem was it not? Ever since her mother's death, Kate had made it a point _not _to put her faith in the unknown because sometimes the unknown turned out to be too much to bear.

On the other hand, Lanie was right. Castle had faith in them, unwavering, unshakable faith. The least she could do was make a valid attempt to do the same.

Kate took a long swig of coffee, draining the last of the beverage from her cup. "Thanks, Lanie."

Lanie covered Kate's hand on the table with her own. "Anytime, girl."

* * *

The knock on his door came just after seven and Castle knew that there was only one person it could be. But he had not heard from her all day and her abrupt departure this morning had left a lingering sour taste in his mouth.

Part of him wanted to childishly pretend to have not heard her knock or to be asleep or out. To just not answer the door, leave her there with her thoughts much as she had done to him this morning. But the mature part eventually won out, forcing himself to his feet and across the loft to the entryway.

On the other side of the door, Kate hesitated, straining her ears for the sound of movement, footsteps, anything to indicate Castle's presence. It was possible he was not home but her gut was telling her that maybe he was just ignoring her. Painful though the thought was, it would not be unwarranted.

She had spent the afternoon at home, deep in thought as she went about cleaning her apartment, moving on autopilot while her brain stumbled through her emotions, attempted to make sense of everything. She was still confused about things, unsure what to think of some of Meredith's words, but one thing had become evident. She needed to talk to Castle. And not only that, but she found that she actually wanted to. She wanted to talk to him, to ask him questions, to know him the way he knew her.

She knew some things already, and as she pondered this afternoon, she had come to the realization that she knew more than she thought. She knew snippets of his childhood; Christmas magic and boarding school, his loneliness and lack of support system. She knew him as a father to Alexis, as a son to Martha. She knew him as a boyfriend, as the most caring and supportive partner she could ask for, as a man who fiercely defended and protected those he loved.

But Kate wanted to know more. She wanted to know what really drew him to writing, to mysteries and murder. What made him who he was. What drew him to her. What caused his marriages to fail. She cringed at the thought of knowing the specifics of his one-night stands and various escapades with various women. He had once offered to share his 'number;' Kate was fairly certain that was one piece of information she never wanted to know. Ever.

But other things...he knew her. Her strengths and weaknesses, her past, her struggles and triumphs. She wanted to know the same. And she most certainly did not want their relationship to fall apart for the same reason his first marriage apparently had.

So after a lonely dinner in her empty apartment, she hopped a cab across town to the loft. This may not be an easy conversation but it was necessary and she was going to make sure it took place.

That was, if he actually opened the door.

As the thought crossed her mind, manifesting in her angrily raising a fist to pound on the door, it swung open in front of her, revealing her sweatpants-clad partner. Her hand fell to her side as her eyes met Castle's, hurt and hollow and closed off, nothing like the usual love and openness that shone through them.

"Hey," she offered lamely.

"I thought you needed space," he replied sharply.

She shrugged. "I was wrong."

It was not an apology, but it was a start.

Castle stepped back, turned and walked back to his office, leaving Kate standing in the doorway in confusion.

She awkwardly stepped across the threshold, discarded her coat and shoes by the door before following after him.

He was seated in his office, computer on the desk in front of him, but Kate could tell after one glance that he was not really doing anything, was probably staring at a blank word document. He did not look up when she entered nor when she stepped up to his desk.

"I'm sorry," Kate offered, wringing her hands in front of her.

He shrugged, still not meeting her eyes. "Okay."

"Castle."

He sighed heavily, lifted his eyes to hers. His movements were sluggish, posture slouched. He looked drained, exhausted, and...heartbroken. All because of her.

"I messed up," Kate continued, deciding it best to not sugar coat things. "I shouldn't have left without talking to you. And I'm sorry."

"I thought we were past this by now," Castle snapped angrily, eyes boring into hers. "I thought the days of not talking were behind us."

"You should talk," Kate snorted, words escaping without permission.

"Excuse me?"

"You're standing here telling me to talk when you're the one who should be doing all the talking."

"I'm sorry, was I the one who walked away this morning without an explanation?"

"Castle, I..."

"I don't know what happened this morning but I'm not going to sit here listening to you accuse me of not talking when I was the one trying to fix things."

"Castle, just...let me say this," she demanded.

He leaned back in his desk chair, crossed one leg over the other and fixed her with a penetrating gaze, daring her to say anything but the pure truth. "Fine."

She crossed her arms protectively, her stance defensive. "I...I want to ask you something."

"Okay," he replied hesitantly, unsure, confused.

Kate took a deep breath before diving in. "Why did you and Meredith split up?"

Castle's entire demeanor changed, eyes flashing, body stiffening. "What? Kate...why...what does this have to do with anything right now?"

Deflecting, she noticed.

"She...I was curious," she admitted. "And I asked her and..."

His eyes were hard, cold. "You asked my _ex-wife_ why we got _divorced_?"

Kate nodded.

"But not me?"

She at least had the presence of mind to look embarrassed. "No."

"I..._why_?"

She shook her head, ashamed and annoyed at herself. "I just...wondered."

"And you didn't want to ask me because, what, you thought I'd lie?"

"No, _no,_ I just...I don't know." She dropped her head into her hands. "Look, I screwed up, Castle, okay? I shouldn't have asked her. And I'm sorry."

Castle shook his head in disappointment, eyes fixed on his desk. "What did she say?"

"That it was great at first but then she realized that you knew all about her but she hardly knew a thing about you."

Castle snorted.

"And then it got me thinking...you know all about me, Castle. You've written books and you've followed me around as asked questions and I...what happens when there's no more to know?" Kate asked shakily, seeking his eyes though he refused to lift his head.

"Four years, Kate," he answered harshly. "I spent four years just waiting to have a chance with you. Is that the actions of a man who gets bored and leaves when there's, as you put it, no more to know?"

"No, but..."

"But nothing," he said icily, head lifting sharply. "And if you don't know me better than that by now, maybe we shouldn't be doing this."

She barely bit back a gasp at his words, at the fact that he would even insinuate a break up.

"But isn't...that's part of the problem, Castle," Kate spoke after a long, tense moment. "I know what you've shown me of you. But what about the rest of it?"

"She really got in your head, didn't she?" he asked derisively. "You do realize she's an actress, right? She's perfected the art of lying and manipulating people. Apparently even detectives who are trained to spot dishonesty."

It was a low blow but at this point, cordiality was not high on Castle's priority list.

"Well, she wasn't wrong," Kate spat back. "She said you always deflected when the conversation got serious. You did it just a couple minutes ago when I asked why you two didn't work out."

"No, I didn't."

"Fine, then I'm asking you now," she said firmly. "Why did you get divorced?"

"You want the real answer, or should I make one up?" he asked sarcastically.

"Castle!"

"Well, since my ex-wife's words are suddenly gold, I didn't think it really mattered."

"You're deflecting."

Castle sighed heavily, uncrossed his right leg, switching it out for his left. "Maybe she wasn't entirely wrong," he admitted. "Maybe she didn't know me all that well. But you know what? She never bothered to ask. She got bored of me being Mr. Mom and instead of sticking around, she decided she'd rather become intimately acquainted with her director."

"I...she..._cheated _on you?" Kate spluttered. She felt horrible now for having given Meredith's words any weight when the woman had quite obviously left out the most blatant reason for their divorce.

"Oh, you mean she didn't mention that?"

"Castle, you can stop being an ass now."

He offered no reply.

"I'm...sorry," Kate continued after a moment. "I didn't know."

"Well, now you do."

There were more questions, a lot more, but Kate refrained for now. Because this was progress.

"Why didn't you ever say something before?" she asked.

"Look, Beckett," Castle said with a sigh. "Maybe I should have told you before now. But the truth is, I'm not particularly proud of being cheated on. And I wasn't going to go around parading my past mistakes because what would that have done for my chances of ever winning you over?"

"It wasn't like I didn't know you've been divorced," she pointed out. "And if you were so concerned about how it looked, why didn't you just explain it to me? Make me see it your way."

He dropped his head. "Maybe it hurts to talk about. Maybe that's why I tend to just laugh it off."

Kate allowed his words to settle in for a moment before speaking again.

"You think it didn't hurt to talk about my mom? To let you in on the most personal case of my life? To answer your questions?" she shot back.

And she was right. He had no doubt that was painful, had evidence from the times they had spent together fighting through her case, fighting for justice for her mom. But he also knew that without his probing, he would be just as in the dark about her past as she was his.

Castle shook his head, spoke softly. "All you ever had to do was ask, Kate."

"I..." she faltered, arms falling to her sides. Not the reply she was expecting. But, yeah, he had a point. She had never really pushed for answers, not in the same persistent way he had. "Okay, yeah, you're right."

He lifted his head again seeking her gaze. His eyes were light her now, less roiling and stormy and more clear. Kate's eyes locked with his and she silently pleaded him to see the apology in their depths.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry, Castle."

"Promise me something," he pleaded, searching her eyes.

"Anything."

"Next time, ask me first, okay? And I...I'll answer. I will. I promise."

Kate nodded, offered a weak smile. "Okay."

Castle dropped both feet to the floor, held out his arms, silently beckoning her to him. Kate came without hesitation, sinking into his lap, her body pliable against his.

She felt so much lighter already just by knowing the truth, having cleared the air. And she felt stupid for believing Meredith, for allowing the woman's words to affect her so deeply. She felt like a coward for not just asking Castle because, like Lanie said, finding out the truth from him was not really all that bad.

Kate was still a bit nervous as to what she might uncover in her efforts to open Castle up, to peel back the layers as he had done to her over the years. But she also felt a new burst of confidence after tonight because it proved that they could do this and be okay.

"I'll never get bored of you, Kate," Castle whispered into her hair as she settled against him.

"Even after you finish Nikki Heat?"

"Even after I finish Nikki Heat. "

Kate smiled into his chest, arms sliding around his torso.

He tucked two fingers beneath her chin, gently tilted her head up until he could meld their lips together. The kiss was gentle and apologetic, deep and full of promise.

When Kate spoke again her voice was soft, breathy, lips barely parted.

"I'm sorry for doubting you, Castle."

"And I'm sorry for not being more open with you," he admitted. "I'll...try to work on that, okay?"

She smiled, an idea crossing her mind. "Maybe we could play truth or dare sometime."

Castle raised an eyebrow, following her train of thought. "Would it involve nudity of some sort?"

Kate smirked, unwrapping one arm from behind his back to fiddle with the hem of his t-shirt, fingertips lightly scraping against the skin of his side. She felt his muscles flutter under her touch, caught her bottom lip with her teeth as her eyes flashed teasingly.

"I suppose that could be arranged."

* * *

**THE END**

* * *

_Thoughts?_


End file.
